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HUSH HUSH
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

As a newly famous celebrity I've noticed that I get asked a lot of questions.  UGH!!  But my agent told me that I should give the fans what they want: an extensive and ever-expanding FAQ section.  For the intents and purposes of my burgeoning career anything asked more than twice is considered "frequent".

Q: Where is the bathroom?
A: I don't work here... but it's over there I think.  Cannot guarantee...

Q: Are you the guy from the Black Keys?
A: What's that?

Q: Is it true that you are related to Braham Stoker?
A: Yes. Click here for family tree.

Q: Will you play my birthday party?
A: PROBABLY.

Q: Is it true that Adam Sandler killed a girl drunk-driving in New Hampshire and paid to have it covered-up?
A: You have to ask the locals in Manchester, NH. The truth is out there.

Q: What programs do you use to make your beats?
A: Mostly iTunes and sometimes Firefox.

Q: You are a genius! Or?
A: Contrary to popular belief, I am not a genius, and actually have an IQ which puts me just along the borderline of mental retardation.  If I were a genius I would be attending Cambridge University candle-light dinners and writing my 450,000 word PhD thesis on Sexual Repression in turn-of-the century Andorran literature.  Instead I am sitting comfortably on my roof-top terrace in Hyéres at the moment trying to figure out something that rhymes with "anilingus."

Q: What is the point of this? or: Why would someone do this?
A: Maybe you'll get it if you see it live.

Q: How did you get to tour with Yeasayer?
A: Yeasayer will actually let anyone go on tour with them, most people just don't ask. Usually they can't find anyone and will take whoever writes. Just got to www.yeasayer.net and email them or their management. They will even hook you up with a tour bus and accomodations. Just be polite. This works with almost any larger band or act, I've found.

Q: What's wrong with being sexy?
A: Sexist. It's "sexist."

Q: I want to marry/date/have sex/live with you. Is this realistic?
A: No. It is important to remember that my songs which mention sex are not about me having sex with you, but rather you having sex with whomever you want to have sex with, with the sole exception of me.  The songs are written from your point of view.  And if you disagree, please read this in-depth and fascinating article I wrote for Vanity Fair last year: CLICK HERE. 

Q: How do you make your music?
A: All of my music is downloaded from Ukranian and Thai midi sites. Then I google lyrics of famous songs and simply cut and paste.

Q: Do you edit this website yourself?
A: Of course not. As a well-known singer I am assigned a pro bono web designer from the Singer's Union (7844-30).  My web designer is Stephen Sargses, a well-mannered and not altogether bad looking chap from Darby, England.  Currently single, Stephen is interested in bowling and just wants to meet someone who 'gets' him. His favorite fabric is sky-blue fleece.

Q: Why are you using the death of Michael Jordan for your own profit? Have you no decency?
A: Michael Jordan was an amazing and awe-inspiring player, but his life off the court was disgusting. Dikembe Mutombo, for example, sets a much better example.

Q: Do you have any music videos besides "Ooze"?
A: Yes, click here to see them. There is also this unofficial one that I had no idea about until recently for the demo version of Sex Party. Viewable here. Again, I had nothing to do with it.

Q: What do you think of Lady Gaga?
A: (If you are or work for Lady Gaga please skip to next question.) While I have never heard Lady Gaga's music aside from one time when I was in a camera store, my intuition tells me that I would find it derivative in all of the wrong ways, and not very well-thought-through, original, or even catchy.  I read in the news that she went to the Grammy's in a big egg. I am not sure why Lady wants to bring more attention to eggs in the international media.  While I enjoy eggs and even enjoy a modest stipend from The Egg Farmers of America, let's face the facts: most Americans will die from cholesterol-related heart-failure.  Instead of championing eggs and raw meat, I would suggest that Lady Gaga uses her role as a media persona to tackle issues like child hunger.  She could, for example, wear a dress made of starving children to her next red-carpet event, which would easily catch headlines and bring much-needed attention to so many in need.

Q: What other things do you do?
A: For the last 6 years I have been working on a series of rambling but passionate manifestos. I have other projects as well viewable here: www.christopher-kline.com

Q: Is it true that you started Hush Hush as a way to fund terrorism?
A: No. I am against using violence on principle, but have no problem turning the violence inherent in the system in on itself. I do NOT support terror.

Q: Are you Jewish? You dance Jewish.
A: No, but thank you?

More questions answered soon... feel free to ask one:

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